HETALIA UNIT Q&A what the Manuals DONT tell you
by Aussie-limey
Summary: sure every Hetalia unit Manual comes with troubleshooting and little tips, but what about those things they dont say? ASK HERE! Summeray suks please read inside fore more details. rating may go up
1. Introduction

THIS IS CRACK! I love going around and reading the "Hetalia unit" storys and had to do his.

This is basically just a crack fic where you send in your questions and i try to find witty answers, enjoy!

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Good Day, We from the Hetalia Corporation would like to thank you for purchasing one of out HETLIA UNITS, whether it is from the Chibi, Special or Regular section.

It is not unheard of for people to have problems with their Units. We will be more then happy to Answer any questions about your UNIT, should it be trivial, habits they have or in the bedroom.

Please send in your questions and we will get back to you soon as possible.

HETALIA CORP

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Leave Questions and Comments in the Reveiws please ^.^

Im also happy to accept Short, made up stories about people and their units, so PM those to me and ill put them in our guide ^3^


	2. Conquests and Kidnaps

One Review? Really? T.T oh well.

If i get 10 Reviews I will Release a HETALIA CORP SPECIAL UNIT UPGRADE! (coz I'm that desperate)

Also, feel free to post as many question as you want (again, I'm desperate)

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Q- _Yes, I just bought the 'special' edition of Conquistador Spain and he's being very naughty what should I do?_

_He talks about conquering other units and always talks about the 'Lovino' unit..... It scares me._

A-It is in Conquistador Spain's Nature to have a desire to conquer and discover new worlds.  
Has He been in contact with Any GILBERT BEILSCHMIDT/PRUSSIA UNITS? If so this might have something to do with it.

Our only Suggestion is to Purchase or get him together with a LOVINO VARGAS/ROMANO UNIT, this will give him something to dote on and possibly calm him down. Baby Pictures will also work.

Also locking him in a room with a ARTHUR KIRKLAND/ENGLAND UNIT (Pirate Edition) for about an hour will also work. Trust us about the Hour, you might want to hide a camera with them too if you want.

Hetalia Corp is not responsible for any mental Trauma or depression Your Unit may suffer after coming in contact with the Pirate Arthur unit. It can be cured with Churros.

Q-_My China Unit keeps cooing over my Friends Baby, once he tried to take it! How do i stop him trying to kidnap people's children?_

A-The YAO WANG/CHINA UNIT is very maternal for a man, he is probably trying to a replacement for his siblings.

Showing him pictures of the KIKU HONDA/JAPAN or YONG SOO IM/KOREA units (Chibi Edition) will give him something else to adore Rather then your friends baby.

Also arranging Play dates for him with any of his Brother units or his sister unit (Chibi edition or other) will help.


	3. Animals and Domination

Sorry this took so long, had school work to catch up on! ^.^

I'm really happy with the feedback im getting, keep it up! (tell your friends) Just a bit more till the upgrade!

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Q-_Well my chibi Australia unit keeps bring home animals, and I'm having a hard time trying to get him to behave!_

A-The AUSTRALIA UNIT is a wildlife boy, so if he finds an animal he will want to bring it home, and don't be surprised if he starts running around your home naked.

This can easily be solved by Purchasing a KOALA UNIT from your nearest HETALIA CORP Representative or ordering of the internet. This should stop him Bringing wild animals home.

If he continues bringing home things big enough to have their own health bar, contact us and we will send someone over to run an examination on your unit

Q-_What can I do I think my baby Australia unit is upset but he keeps running off before I can find out what's wrong, what unit should I get to help me care for him? _

A-Despite the unit's tendency to be affectionate, due to his childhood he can be uncomfortable with your style of comfort, this feature is exaggerated in the AUSTRALIA UNIT (Chibi Edition).

Introducing him to an ENGLAND UNIT, or one of his Brother units, the AMERICA and CANADA units, should bring him out of his shell.

Also check the Age setting of your Unit. If it is set to preteen it's not unusual for him to be hit with sudden Angst.

Q-_My Australia unit always gone off hiding somewhere when I want to show him off what should I do?_

A-He probably believes the British are coming to take him away. This is good sign to show he likes you. Make sure there are not ENGLAND UNITs in the area before showing him off.

Also feeding him sausage sandwiches and giving him some kind of fizzy beverage will calm him down.

Q-_How does one get their England unit to stop bossing you about?_

A-Threaten to take away his tea, or scream bloody murder at him.

Q-_My Feliciano Vargas unit is acting REALLY scary... his eyes are OPEN, he's prancing around with a gun, and at the moment he and his brother are interrogating someone... WHAT'S GOING ON AND WHAT SHOULD I DO?_

A-Check the Manual, are you sure you haven't accidentally purchased a LOVINO VARGAS UNIT?

If it is a FELICIANO VARGAS UNIT, fear not, this can be easily cured by several doses of Pasta and Pizza and Italian Folk Songs.

Getting a GERMANY UNIT to speak to your unit will also work even though ITALY UNIT may start crying for an unlimited amount of time.

This can also be cured with pasta.

Q-_My Gilbert and Francis units are crying for whatever reasons and they refuse to talk about it..._

A-They may be suffering Sex Deprivation, get them drunk and lock them in a room for a few days to let them work of frustration and don't open the door for any reason, installing a hatch for food is recommended.

If problem persists call your closest HETALIA CORP representative and we will send someone over to check their programming.

Q-_My AUSTRALIA unit bought this weird koala with all of my money, and it staring at me funny. I don't mind, because my HONG KONG unit usually gives those to ENGLAND and CHINA, but I woke up the other night to see it standing in my doorway holding a knife. How do I explain to my AUSTRALIA unit why it's gone?_

A-Tell him it ran way to breed in the wild them give him a vegemite sandwich. Comfort him if he cries, this will lessen trauma in the future.

Q-_My unit keeps getting pissed when my FRANCE and PRUSSIA units take my SPAIN unit drinking, wasting all of my tomatoes as he throws them and/or eats them. Then he drinks and complains to me. How do I stop this?_

A-Hide the tomatoes and Alcohol in a safe spot. Getting him together with a FELICIANO unit while your SPAIN unit is out, this will give him someone else to vent his anger on. With ROMANO and FELICIANO being brothers the damage should be minimal.

Q-_My_ _ keeps spending all of my money on pasta... WHY? If I get my GERMANY unit to hug him like he wants, would he stop?_

A-It's only natural for the FELICIANO VARGAS/ITALY UNIT to desire pasta. Get a better bank account password.

Getting your LUDWIG BEILSCHMIDT/GERMANY unit to hug him will temporarily pause the desire for pasta, but it not a long term cure.

Q-_I just bought a 'special' Pirate England unit and have a regular FRANCIS BONNEFROY unit from a previous transaction. My Pirate England unit keeps trying to rape my FRANCIS unit! Why is this? And why does he keep bringing home kegs of beer and a tied-up ANTONIO unit?_

A-The Pirate Edition is always tricky to control, with his natural instinct to conquer worlds and dominate anything that moves. I'm sure your FRANCIS BONNEFOY/FRANCE Unit won't mind a bit, unless he wants dominance too.

As for the beer and tying up other units, this may have to do something about the Armada.

Hetalia Corp is not responsible for any mental Trauma that the ANTONIO Units may suffer.

_Q-Weell my AMERICA unit is locked away in a box that he can't break out of. How do I engage his super hero powers?_

A-Place a plate of Burgers near the box and wait for him to smell it. Or you can swear loudly in your best British accent, maybe start screaming "Russia is coming" or "Francis, stop raping Arthur!", his desire to be the Hero will make him pop right out of that box.


	4. Randomness and UPGRADES

WE HAVE OVER 10 REVEIWS AND SO I WILL GIVE YOU A SPECIAL HETALIA UNIT UPDATE AT THE END OF THE QUESTIONS!

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Q- _My Russia and America units don't get along and they can't be in the same room without glaring at each other/threatening to dismantle one another. How do I get 'em to cool down and be friends?_

A- This conflict is inevitable; they still hate each other and aren't close friends. If you were hoping that they would fall in love and make sweet sweet hentai, you will have to by our New Expansion Pack.

Q-_I just bought a JAPAN unit and whenever I try to take it outside it runs away and hides in the darkest corner it can find. Why is it doing this?_

A- Japan is not an outside boy, he is much happier in his room with manga, anime and figurines. If you want him to come out, get a CHINA UNIT to come over and harass him or tempt him out with a Yaoi doujin.

Q-_My SEALAND unit is always sneaking out and playing pranks on my friends RUSSIA unit. I've told it that it's dangerous to do this but it won't listen to me! How do I get it to stop doing this?_

A- Sit him down and explain to him why this is a bad idea, he is a child so it may take some time to get through his thick eyebrows to his brain. Also threatening to take away his comics and cartoons has proven to work.

Q-_My CANADA unit keeps going missing, why is this?_

A- He hasn't gone missing; he's probably flipped into Invisible Mode so look again. If this fails make a fresh batch of pancakes with lots of Maple syrup and he will appear.

Q- _My AMERICA unit constantly keeps eating all my junk food, how can I get him to stop it?_

A- Eat your food more secretly or get England to cook for America Before purchasing said junk food. But unless you want your unit to have a malfunction, these options is not recommended and instead simply buy him something instead and scoff yours quick as possible.

Q- _My Canada unit seems strange... he's been quiet for days now and when I ask him he only mutters, "Awesome... Gil... New Prussia..."... What had happened?_

A- CANADA is experiencing maternal feelings related to most Uke units. In Real Canada, there is a place called New Prussia. Getting your Canada together with a PRUSSIA UNIT will help him relieve some of the tension he is feeling. Also installing him with our new UpGrade pack may help himout.

Q-_My LOVINA unit keeps trying to plant tomatoes on illegal land she took, and then running off to play mafia with my DARK!FELI unit. Is this natural, or what?_

A- Don't worry; this is very natural for all LOVINO/LOVINA VARGAS Units. Try forcing her to stay with an ANTONIO unit and his natural Pedo-bear mode will deal with it, this w ill make your LOVINA calm down and focus her energy on making him be less of a pedo.

Q-_My NATALIA unit wants to marry my RUSSIA unit, but he already has my YAO unit... and she always hurts my TORIS unit when he rejects her, though he has my FELIKS unit. What do I do to stop the wars?_

A- Introduce your NATALIA unit to an ALFRED/AMERICA unit; her natural hate for him will distract her from her Brother unit and the TORIS unit. If you want her to have a romance with the AMERICA or another unit, please purchase our new UPGRADE pack.

Q-_My FELIKS unit just went on a shopping spree with my FRANCIS unit. I now have to get my IVAN unit to 'barter' for cash. Is this ok? If not, what should all of my other units do for jobs?_

A-Getting IVAN to barter is a VERY BAD IDEA! Please make him stop before someone is seriously injured.

As for getting money. Francis would make a very good Bartender, as he is French and good with wine. Feliks would make a good stripper and will do so happily. Enjoy your money.

Q-_My Japan unit has started to talk more and more. Even to him, in fact. What happened to him?_

A- He has cracked circuits, please call you nearest HETALIA CORP representative immediately and we will send someone to check his wiring.

**NEW UPGRADE!**

Congratulations unit owner

We of the Hetalia Corporation would like to show you our new UNIT UPGRADE!

THE SPECIAL EDITION YAOI PACK

This upgrade will make any unit fall head over heels with another unit. Perfect for those fan girls that want to see Russia and America make sweet, sweet love or for Japan and China have some brotherly love.

It will even work for Girls on girls if you're into that.

Simply call and we will send one of your team to install this upgrade in your unit.

Warning- has been known to cause MPreg in some Units.


	5. Friends and Babies

Hi Readers! I'm Sorry this took so long! A lot of Stuff has been happening lately, most of it not to good and Right now I'm getting ready for a convention. So I've got my work cut out for me right now but I'll be back on the horse, so to speak.

I'll try to update more often =3

Q- _My Australia chibi unit has been hanging around with my England unit a lot lately, but when I try to take my Australia chibi unit from the England unit the England unit tries to kill me! What should I do?_

A-Fear not my friend, this is England's Reaction to all his young colonies. Just tell him of Australia's upcoming independence and he will cry so much he will not notice you taking the chibi unit.

Q- _How do I get my Australia chibi unit to stop using the Canada unit to hide from bath time?_

A-Tell him Its Canada's bath time too

Q-_the other day I left my IVAN unit in the same room with my GILBERT unit and my IVAN unit tried raping my GILBERT unit, is that normal?_

A-Yes, it is actually quite usual for Ivan to want to recreate the takeover of Prussia. It's recommended that you do not let them do this unless you want a mentally traumatised unit.

Hetalia Corp is not responsible for this.

Q- _I ran out of Maple Syrup and now my CANADA unit has gone violent and for some reason has obtained a hockey stick and keeps hitting my AMERICA unit with it, is there a reason for this?_

A-Get some more Maple Syrup.

Also, the beating up Of ALFRED units is triggered by the unit going into HOCKEY MODE. To undo this mode, bring in a FRANCIS unit or feed him Pancakes

Q-_My ENGLAND unit has gotten drunk and turned into an angel. How do I get him back to normal?_

A-Only Time will change him back unfortunately.

To keep him from turning people into chibis please take his wand and hide it in your underwear draw, he's too much of a gentle man to look there. He should change back if you cut his Alcohol consumption.

Q- _My Belarus Unit (who has somehow found a maid dress and is wearing it) has dressed my Poland Unit up in her dress and told him to keep my Lithuania Unit busy while she goes looking for my Russia Unit. What's going on?_

A-Its Clear she's using you POLAND Unit to Distract the LITHUANIA while she tries to once against convince her brother unit to marry her.

Protect your RUSSIA unit from having a mental breakdown.

Hetalia corp is not responsible for any damage your house suffers

Q- _Yes hello there~ I brought the YAOI upgrade for my units and I have not seen them in days (they're back now thank goodness), my Hungary unit is won't stop screaming and is making a fortune off the photos (witch I a very happy of~) BUT the REAL problem is that all the ukes are refusing sex, and are asking for the most peculiar foods.. Does this mean they're pregnant? What should I do to help the semes? Or should I just watch?_

A-If you did indeed Buy our Yaoi Upgrade for your units, then the reason they disappeared is because it kicked in and the first reaction for them is to, well, make Yaoi.

The refusal of sex is a slight side affect, after so much sex your Uke units are probably tired and sore. As for the strange food, they may be popular in your unit's home country, so remember that.

If you want to be absolutely sure if they are pregnant, Pregnancy tests work on them.

Please Send Results to Hetalia Corp, we find your case interesting.

Q-_There are random dogs following my Germany units... why?_

A-Dogs like Germany, especially German Sheppard's. This is in the manual that came with your Unit.

Q- _Is it a good idea to have my friend's France, Prussia & my Spain unit stay in the same room unsupervised for longer than a minute?_

A-This is a fair question. Yes it is okay to leave them alone for longer than a minute. There is a large misconception about these three, they are more friends than anything, but if they have alcohol no longer than an hour.

Q- _My Hong Kong unit plays with fireworks and ONLY fireworks... why?_

A-the HONG KONG unit is china's 'Son', so a love of fireworks is inevitable, however try to steer their attention to something else unless you want your home in ashes.

Q-_My FRANCE unit and my TURKEY unit keep plotting to steal my (fem)CHIBI!LOVI unit from my SPAIN unit, and my (fem)CHIBI!FELI unit from my AUSTRIA and HUNGARY units. My HRE unit told me this, and said he'll do whatever it takes to protect her. NOW they're using advanced weaponry, and have made a giant fort for both sides. HOW DO I SAVE MY HOUSE! _

A-This is a serious Problem. First of all, Shame on you for buying so many Units with such clear rivalries.

First step is to hide your Fem Chibi Vargas units. Advisably with a friend of yours they trust. Once the Turkey and France Units Realise they are gone they should calm. Also getting a Greece Unit for Turkey will stop this happening again.

Q-I _know that you have Asiancest, but do you also provide Germancest, Americacest, and Italiacest?_

A-Yes, Everything is possible, but if you have trouble getting your units to do this, buys the Yaoi Upgrade.

Q-_what should I do if my KOREA unit got me into the habit of claiming peoples breasts in the name of Korea?_

A-Hetalia Corp is not responsible for your bad mental health

Q-_My England unit keeps looking at kids playing at the park and looking really sadly at them and sighing, what should I do?_

A-England is probably remembering his colonies when they were younger, to remedy this, try to keep him away from parks or get a AMERICA, CANADA or AUSTRALIA unit Chibi edition for him to care for.

Q-My _New Zealand unit keeps doing strange things with sheep what should I do?_

A-Keep him away from sheep.

Q-_My Australia unit seem really lonely even though I got him the kola unit! What units should I get to stop him from being so lonely?_

A-Do you have any other Units? If you don't, he may feel out of place at your home and miss the company of other Countries.

If you can't afford another unit, try getting him together with a unit in your neighbourhood. He should cheer up.

Q-_My Australia chibi unit keeps asking me why he doesn't have a mummy or older brother unit like my friend's chibi Canada and USA units have what should I do?_

A-Since he is young, he may be jealous of your friends units. Explain that you are the one looking after him now, if he still asks, try getting him together with your friends units to play f and he may forget about not having siblings.

Q- _My ENGLAND unit seems to like stalking my JAPAN unit, and acts all shy and hides when JAPAN notices him, even though I haven't purchased the yaoi expansion pack. What's going on?_

A-your ENGLAND unit probably in search of friends, this is merely a phase and will pass quickly.

Q- _My HRE and CHIBIROMANO units keep fighting over my CHIBITALIA unit, and I'm afraid that they'll soon destroy my house in the process! Help!_

A-Give your CHIBIROMANO unit tomatoes and tell HRE you found out about Chibitalia's underwear. This will calm them both considerably.

Q- _In an attempt to remedy problems between my RUSSIA and my LITHUANIA Units, I purchased a POLAND Unit. This, however, has not worked. My RUSSIA Unit now refuses to come out of his room, and my POLAND Unit is attempting to break down the door while my LITHUANIA Unit stands nervously nearby. What should I do about this?_

A-You have done a careless thing as an owner. Your Russia unit feels rejected, so he is withdrawing and Poland Units are naturally a pain in the ass. You need to convince your Russia unit he is not obsolete and things will fall back to their natural order.

Phew... all done!

I'm in love with you guys, I swear!

Keep the questions coming, next chapter is another Upgrade!


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